I chanced upon this CD that one of the BIPs left in the CD player and found this extremely beautiful, soothing song which made me sigh...
As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving...
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness
As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness
Morning has come, another day
I must pack my bags and say goodbye...
Goodbye...
Hands to Heaven by (originally, a group Breathe...i remember hearing the 'pop'py version of it when i was a kid... But what i had in the CD was a single guy singing. It's probably a cover of the song...only better:))
Hmm...driving today was pretty horrible for me. Pretty much like a walking zombie these days, thinking abt all my problems and trying to drift thru' the wk. Im VERY sure i had this very dazed expression on my face during my Stage 1 assessmt lah! Dunno y...just felt very tired no matter how much water i splashed on my face. Think it nearly became water-logged lor...
TWICE i misjudged the traffic lights n wld have chong straight thru' at REd light if my instructor tt day hadn't jam-braked. Think he must have known i wasnt focusing la. He rmbs me la!...as that stoopid blur-blur-looking idiot, no doubt:p Hahaha!! Even i felt like that myself lor. Sometimes just dunno where my common sense has gone whenever i decide to ask super DUMB qns.
Anwz, i made an interesting observation abt instructors...based on all the 4 instructors i've had so far( or rather, 2...Coz 1 is a botak, while the other always wore a cap whenever i see him)-----They always like to comb their hair in the car, for whatever reasons i don't know... I'M not interestd in their hair anwz:p Oh...and on Fri it was pretty gd...save for the fact tt my instructor tt day actually fed me a sweet while i was driving:X So shocked sia...u cld practically see the qn mark on my face. But his intentions were gd...or at least i'd like to think so...:X (Xw says i shld have banged the passenger side into a lamp-post or smthg.lolx)
Hope my future lessons wld be much better than this! I wanna drive a car all by myself soon!!
Mum was right...I've become totally senseless. Foolish. Just for that little bit of attention i did silly things that i'm too embarrassed to even think about it. I used to think that i was sensible...and cld be counted on to make rational decisions. Mum made me realise that i havent been able to do so lately. my behaviour has really been pretty atrocious these days... Wasn't exactly nice to my own family too...kept to myself alot... but complained abt how sick and tired i was...how fed up i was working 2 jobs---teaching in school and then returning home to tutor again. But it really gets very tiring at times tho...... I rmb how driven i was in the beginning to earn as much money as i cld...but somehow along the way i lost the drive. Sick of it.
N realising the fact that i finally had my own money, i badly wanted to use it to buy all the things i liked, and wanted...something i haven't done all my schooling years coz i didn't bear to. I knew my parents' money were hard-earned so i didnt want to spend theirs. In fact, all the while in secondary sch and jc i tried saving money for them by cutting down my eating expenses...to the extent of skipping breaks and lunches at sch sometimes to have lunch at home so i wld save money. I still rmb that during the mths where i survived with just $10 per wk. The remaining $10 for tt week wld then be returned to my mum for her use. Haiz...i was too engrossed with the fact that i had MY own money i guess...
Furthermore it's true i didnt spend as much time with my younger sis as i shld have. While i tutor others and help them with their work my own sis was struggling. Super guilty for that. Made mum worry excessively for my health too...She was pretty concerned over me...but sensitive as i was, i didnt realise that. What i perceived was that she pretty much left me alone coz she was busy n didnt have time to talk n listen to me. The little things she has done for me...I didnt appreciate it as much as i shld have. Really giult-stricken when she started crying when i lost my temper...but truth is, the very thing that i can NEVER stand is other ppl accusing me of doing things i haven't done...so i lost my cool and shouted back. ( my dad who was adding bullshit commentaries at the side was the freaking catalyst. He knows more abt building muscles than his own daughter's behaviour, that bird brain--- i wldnt want to say more. Not worth putting his stupid deeds and words on my beautiful blog.)
However i wont deny the fact that i have been very short-tempered and grouchy these days. And very very naive. I need to get back to my old sensible self...asap! Snap back to reality. Time to get back on track.
Driving was pretty good today... The instructor i had today was different from the previous few instructors i had. Haha! He had a problem though...HE KEPT GIVING ME INSTRUCTIONS AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE! haha...so if today u saw a car making unsteady left turns without giving any prior signals along the roads of AMK n YCK, that'll be yours truly. And he kept talking to me! Manx...i really didnt know what to concentrate on...the roads and its many uncountable signals; or the things he was talking and asking me about. I took it as training though...i learnt to focus a little better.heehee...Good for scatterbrains. I've found a person who's more talkative than i am too. ahhah! Felt a sense of achievement...could rmb to turn on my signal lights and check my blindspots b4 manoveuring! Yeah~!! Really sleepy after that, though. Sleeping most of the day...save for the tuition from 3 to 6. Gosh...and that lump which i saw jutting outta my jeans cant be my tummy!!! Shucks...time for a diet and an exercise:x
Today B1 cried again... Dunno why just felt like there was a load weighing on her chest. B3 just resigned today. B4...still deciding whether or not to do the same. B1 pretty bitter towards the horrible organisation. Bullies galore with no one to protect them in there. B1 has her own worries already. Being treated like she's a walking evil doesn't help. Suddenly how she wished green man would be there to take it all away... haha!
Oh manx...the four B.I.Ps (read: bananas in pyjamas) are in trouble again...On tuesday B2 was keeping her kids' phones and was seen by Big-ass Bitch. Big-ass then demanded for the phones coz she presumed tt B2 was trying to cover-up for them. B2 only surrendered those tt big -ass saw and kept the rest in her bag. Big-ass later went to canteen n grabbed B2's bag without asking her so there was an ensuing confrontatn. B3 merely tried to accompany B2 n was scolded as well. Big-ass then digressed from the main issue n threw up several other accusations as well... Directly and indirectly insulted all B.I.Ps. The tone she used was very, very bad. No words can aptly describe what a bitch she was. Saw her bitching to other tchers as well. True to the nickname B1 has decided to give her. Was pretty upset that day...that B1 teared a little. B1 didnt understand why all this bullcrap had to happen to the B.I.Ps. B1 never knew such evil persons can exist even in schools... It frightens B1 to even imagine what the students have been learning from these narrow-minded evil backstabbers. Anwz B3,B4 and B1 went to Cartel to meet B2. She's gg to see Scary-man to clarify matters tmr, as well as get Big-ass to apologise to the 4 BIPs for the unnecessary insults. To quote, she said, "pls 'educate' them." Mind your manners, m'lady. You're no better.
Hopefully nothing bad comes out of the meeting. Usually B1'd be for the idea of letting the matter pass...but this time is an exception coz it's really wrong to accuse others purely based on presumptions. And for taking others' belongings without the owner's acknowledgement, Big-ass is liable to be sued for theft under the law. Lawyer B1's prediction: Likely to have narrow victory...if Scary-man actually agrees to see B2, that is.
Haiz... B1 thinks about Green Man quite often lately... Hopes tt he's doing fine wherever he is... It's the only thing that takes B1's mind off all her troubles nowadays.
Baaah...another dreary Monday:x Suddenly thought of running away from home and school and just go to my friends' houses to chill out for a couple of days. Hahaha!! How i wish! Fel thinks it's crazy though she offered me her room..haha...
I gave it to 2T2 for the 1st time, today. They were playing water in my homeroom and been giving me quite alot of trouble these few weeks. Thought of getting the DM to take care of them...but changed my mind. Soft-hearted la...what to do? The miraculous thing was that they remained absolutely quiet after i flared up at them. Was upset i had to do tt. They have been getting this kinda harsh treatment from other teachers all these while afterall. I didnt want to be another one. Wanted to cut them some slack there. Pretty sad when i think of that actually...so i sounded them out. I know they dont want to be screamed at, too. They're capable of being good. Some of them in fact have become much better aldy. REally proud of these boys sometimes:) They're not hopeless and uncontrollable as most others think.
Oh..and a lady colleague gave me a brilliant idea over lunch today. Had me thinking abt backpacking across Europe today. Everything wld be free and easy, then as and when u run out of cash, u go to restaurants and offer to waitress for a couple of hours, pack ur bags and continue to wander along. haha...sounds really carefree manx. Wonder when i'd ever be able to do that! Heehee...just me and my beau, gg from place to place. Then when i get tired i'll whine abit n he'll piggyback me along.(Think along the lines of trekking on those serene countryside roads.) haha...okok! Snap back to reality, Jia Yan!!!Lolx
Bahhh...gotta tutor Keith in Yishun till 6pm later. AHHHHHH!!! REality SucKs.
One usually never really get to be with the person they truly love most? Just an observation of mine:p
Wuhahaha!!! Finally got my chance to get back at Fat-ass today! His infamous 4-man gang were held back during his class coz Eug got himself into trouble...and it so happened that the next class was mine. So they were late for MY lesson this time. *Evil grin* I got the rest of the class in, then began teaching. Was undecided if i shld behave in such a mean n anti-social manner...Felt uneasy doing it... Eventually realised that i shld let him know how farking irritating that kind of behaviour is. So there goes... His 'bao-bei's came in, and i stopped them. ImmediaTELY asked them to turn back for 4 green slips from him...and told them if they wanted, they cld add that i was 'jumping up and down' too. After tt i coolly resumed my teaching. OOOh yeah! Feels damned good man... ( i feel good! Te-te-ne-te-ne-te-ne-ne...u know that i would...) Hahahaha!!
Later on was feeling pretty sian...yet didnt want to do any marking...so i started anyhow sending out msges...and called Edwin up using my cubicle phone. haha! That silly nutcase thot i was a customer...so i played along...and asked for a RAINBOW-COLOUREd cupboard. haha...he was so dumbfounded. Heard his nervous laugh in the backgrnd as he asked his colleagues for help. When he returned to say they didnt have it a bArang-baRang, i asked for a pink one instead. hahahhaa!!! Told he'd know it's me but he didnt! Gave the game away in the end.hhaa...had a good laugh man! He was cursing me upside-down:p
Met zw to pass him a spongebob bk later on...haha! He's amused by it.lolx...
Today's work wasnt so bad... Every monday's periods are irritating...esp when i stayed up till 3am the day before to do up a 'rewards' chart. But still i pulled through!:) Finally FULLY finished my 3 Uni applications too! Was gg to rush to SMU today after sch to submit my supporting documents but found out the deadline's been extended to the 12th...so i thot wad the heck...do it another day. Carried Fel's with me too. After sch i did some marking, then decided to colour the silly but farny spongebob book i chanced upon the other day. Rmbered the girls cldnt get anything spongebob for his bday so decided to b nice for once n got it for him:p heh... Then met him later to pass it to him but i forgot to take it along with me! Stupid ass me. Anw dinner was good. Glad tt my Monday ended well at least!:)
Driving today was a disaster... i couldnt really focus today. Not with my bad work day bugging me, and with me feeling so tired of course... Kenna niaoed alot... My curbside parking sucked quite abit... Changing lanes oso very angular... Need to learn to look further up beyond oso, quoting my instructor, "Dont keep looking at the road right in front of the car! Must look further up!!! But i managedto survive n come back in one piece...heehee...
Had a pretty bad day at work today:( I aldy had a 'lil bit of sore throat when i went to school...(mum wld definitely not allow me to take leave...and she'd nag alot alot abt me sleeping late:p heehee.) So i cldn't really shout today. It didnt help that it was April Fools' today! I shouted till the cows came home and still i didnt get the attention i needed to collect their freakin' bks. So to punish them i held the whole class back to get things done...fat ass' maths lesson was affected. So he freaking demanded 40 green slips for a stupid reason which i think he made up...come to think of it...probably something he devised to make me look like a fool. Then my goodness...after i left that fat-ass actually mimicked me in front of his class!! What the hell...what was he trying to tell his class?! F**KING ASSHOLE!!! I hope he burns in hell. S n i have decided to scratch his farking car on our last day. Cant wait to see him cry like a chicken. He affected my driving lesson after school also... I cldnt focus on my driving today then so kenna niao-ed by my instructor. Basically that rascal spoilt my supposedly beautiful day! Jackass Yeoh. Go play with ur mud.