To my Sept group (CharmL, Wen Jia, Sera, Zy, Derek)
Sorry for the no-show tonight. Im sure we're hard-pressed for time, but i just finished a 2hr meeting with my SS HOD and it turns out that he'd like me to prepare to teach a lesson tmr. In addition, my EL mentor just msged to ask me to prepare for an EL lesson with the boys tmr so she can observe me and give feedback before she leaves the country. Very sweet lady who really cares even though she doesnt show it.
On top of that, i just had a lesson observation by my EL HOD this morning, and it was a complete flop, thanks to my ineptness (if there's even such a word). I am obviously crushed, and emotionally unstable cus im God-im-crying-out-loud tired, so i think it'll be in the best interests of everyone for me to just stay home to happily burn somemore midnight oil to prepare for my lessons tmr.
Im sorry guys, im feeling damn guilty for pangsehing u for the sake of my boys but i have to be responsible. I'd be even more guilty if i came tonight and end up not being well-prepared for their lessons, so.
Really sorry.
Fuck, i just want to cry right now.
"Everybody wants a piece of me, and I just don't know where to run..." would fit in very nicely here.
The week was horribly tiring, with the extra lessons and the additional saikang that i valiantly offered to help out with for an upcoming big event. I hadn't offered to stay on in school till 8 in the evening because i wanted to impress my colleagues and bosses; it was the bloodshot eyes and the extremely tired faces of my colleagues that made me agree. I just couldn't turn them down, knowing that i had the ability to share their load and make it a little easier for them to breathe in view of the tight deadline ( i swear one of them was on the verge of tears already).
And so, because of the lost time, i found myself missing an important jc clique gathering; instead staying home to mark scripts and worry abt a frigging lesson plan on a beautiful Saturday.
Thankfully, it wasn't too much of a chore, cus in the usual JY fashion, i found things to amuse myself with while at work. Found this in one of the informal letters i had them write as part of their CA, about the boxing match they watched:
"In all, i think that boxing is a very exciting sport to watch, but not when you are in the ring. I hope that the school will have more boxing matches in the future."
A realist, very apparently;)
NOTE: This part of the post wasn't written with the intention to humiliate, but to offer an explanation as to why i still find my charges lovable despite how they drive me crazy sometimes with their nonsense.
Been having a pretty good time where im working at. Not exactly the perfect rosy picture, but good enough as it is. I mean, life always has challenges in store for us, doesn't it? Some of the boys piss me off, sometimes to the point where i get the urge to karate-kick them (not that i know karate, but u get the drift), but they're still lovable to me, esp those who are eager to learn. Knowing that they are willing to study, is enough to make my day a little brighter. I seem to be having a little trouble reading sarcasm though. Cus some of the people i work with are so good at it, they can say something sarcastic with an absolutely straight face and it just totally flies over my head, only for me to realise on hindsight that they might be hinting at something else. But oh wells. They say ignorance is bliss, so i'll just count my blessings that i am simple-minded enough not to hear things that i know will get me down. But that said, i get along well with my colleagues and other sch staff - including the security guard. Those i regularly hang out with are supportive, and i can tell that the teachers there genuinely love the boys, which is something heartwarming to see. They have been positive role models, for someone who thrives in such positivity =)
On the homefront, im still trying to adjust to life in a big house.
Just the other day, while washing dishes at the kitchen sink, my very sharp eyes (thanks to all the gou qi zi that my mum's been feeding me with) spotted a fast-moving creature darting across the edge of the sink. At first sight, it looked to me like a baby cockroach, from which i was ready to run away from, but on closer look, it turned out to be a giant ant that i'd never seen before back in my little 4-room flat.
Goes to show that when you upsize your house, your house ants upsize accordingly also.
And apart from ants, i contend with doggy issues too. My neigbours' dogs back in PP were so likeable and quiet, but here, i've to deal with hostile, noisy dogs that bark for literally hours on end, so much so that im tempted to throw food at them just to shut them up. Seriously! If your dog wants attention, just give him the attention! What's the point of buying one just to have him tied up in your backyard? You buy pets to love them, not to tie them up right?!
Besides that, my childhood fear of the dark is starting to return, cus there are times i find myself hovering at the stairs, not wanting to go into the kitchen for water even though im dead thirsty because the darkness that looms in the hallways looks creepy to me.=S
As for my singing commitments...i think it's starting to tire me out, not because i've to go for pract after work - it's in fact something i look forward to - but because that wld mean that i wldn't have enough slp for the next day cus i've to wake up at 6 in the morning. It's something i love, but this love also backfires on me sometimes =/
Will update again when i next have the chance. Have been so busy planning lessons the past few days that i slept only at 6 this morning to get an overdue lesson plan done for my superior to vet=/
I don't know if anyone's with me on this, but you know how, when you're expecting something very bad to happen to you but it doesn't, you start to feel even worse than if what you expected actually came true?
I am experiencing this now. Cus Dad didn't tie me up the tree for scratching and denting his beloved new car (fyi, he almost cried when he saw the long white scratch line along the length of the car after my mum took it out the other time). AND. He's still talking to me as if nothing happened, which is... unsettling, to say the least.
In essence, im feeling uneasy at being let off so easily, which is WEIRD! But i suppose it probably wldn't be as weird as seeing two girls practising their dance routine - music from portable radios included - in the public loo outside the mrt station when i was on my way home.
It's amazing how the world can be so full of freaky things when the majority are supposed to be sane, rational people.
Many things have happened in the last two weeks, so much so that i have been too busy - and tired - to talk about it.
Just in case i havent told anyone about it, i've relocated to a private estate, near the Upper Aljunied area. Packing, moving and unpacking were a total bitch, cus there's been too much accumulated rubbish from the past 13 years. It used to be my dream to live in a big house, but that shattered when i realised i've to climb 3 bloody storeys to reach my room on the top floor, esp when in my usual fashion i'd find out that i had forgotten stuff from my room only when im at the gate.
Am now officially employed too. I get alot of male attention where i work, but the job's a humongenormous challenge. It feels like i've been thrown into the deep end of the pool with a whirlpool at the bottom. But im sure i'll manage, cus i've been tagged to excellent mentors. However, today a boy flung a chair across the floor, cus i spoke to him in too harsh a tone. I swear i felt my blood pressure rising, but thankfully i maintained ctrl of my seething anger and walked away. Kudos to myself for learning to back off. On hindsight i really should've known that these were boys who chi1 ruan3 bu4 chi1 ying4... but oh wells, at least he didnt decide to throw the frigging chair at me. Was miserable today cus i hvnt been slping very much last night, but thank goodness, i've been blessed with very helpful, friendly colleagues who really care. Haven't seen any politics at work so far:)
But despite the good karma i've been trying to accumulate, im still finding myself in deep shit - i just scratched the paint off my family car cus i got stuck at the gates...and i think the front passenger door looked somewhat dented. So gonna get into trouble with the Dad.
Please pray for my safety.