Something i heard while watching Grey's Anatomy season 4 on Tudou (i needed a break before i turned depressive again) :
"In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. (at least that's what they say.) He created the birds in the air, and the beasts in the fields; and he looked at his creation, and thought that all was good. And then, God created Man... and it's been downhill eversince... *short break* The story goes on to say that God created Man in his own image, but there's not much proof in that. Afterall, God made the Sun, the Moon and the stars; and all Man made was trouble."
Hahaha how funny is that! The soundtrack that they use for this season is simply awesome btw.
(and you, and you, and you, and you, and...)
[Warning: You are not going to like what you're about to read, so skip to somewhere else if you find offensive words errrmm......offensive.]
Looks like i fucked up my second paper too. What the fuck.
Fuck my time management. Fuck my lousy eyes. How could you read your question wrongly?!
Fuck you, jiayan. Go fuck and die, you useless loser. What's the point of you studying so hard when you can't stop yourself from screwing up!! Second lower? Be glad you can even keep that '(Hons)' on your cert. Then again, you still think you deserve that? Think again. Try thinking harder.
Don't even bother making me feel better, cus i won't. Not until i find a way to stop myself from screwing up. Im only asking for a miserable , and i put in the effort required, so why don't i get it?? tmd. it's damn unfair.
Life. OH. MY. DEAR. LIFE. why won't you cut me some slack? How much more of this kind of shit do you want to throw in my face?!! Walao eh, i tried so hard you know. I've been trying so hard to pick myself up why don't you just give me a damned chance to redeem myself?! At least let me catch my breath before you throw another obstacle in my path, you merciless evil thing!
Im hurting so much. Ouch ouch ouch
Mum received a letter from bro last night. Written in the middle of some forest in Tekong where he's having a whale of a time with the wild boars, mudskippers and what have you. (ok lah, it's a SERIOUS field camp, not party.)
Rewind to two weeks ago. Bro brought back a 'confidential letter' from his superiors for my parents. According to the letter they were supposed to write a 'surprise letter' for my bro so he cld read it during their two-week field camp, get intensely homesick and then cry like the soldiers do in war movies when they receive letters from home. (Think Band of Brothers, Pearl Harbour, Behind Enemy Lines etc.) If you ask me, by concept i find this a really good effort on their part to simulate the actual war scenario, quite sweet also; but somehow i suspect the officers also derive sick pleasure from seeing the boys (oops, sorry, i meant MEN) cry too.
But as it is, Mum didn't catch a word my bro said cus she got caught up with something else (no prizes for guessing where i got my short attention span from) and so, happily didn't write the letter.
Fastforward back to present. Now everyone at home's feeling pretty miserable abt it cus that poor boy sent back a letter, and it was in it that we found out abt the 'secret letter' that he was supposed to receive but didn't. Here's a little excerpt:
"...suffered from physical exhaustion... sent to Medical centre... I missed you guys alot, although i didn't receive any letters, but i know that by Saturday, i'll be seeing you guys again! haha..."
*Heartache* Disappointed already still can 'haha'. I mean, just thinking about how he must have felt seeing everyone with their 'surprise letters' and there was none coming from the family who claims to love him so much... that must have sucked big time. I'd probably hide under my parka and cry lah. That brother of mine can be such a silly goose sometimes.
But it's precisely because he cld still be so reassuring when he shld've been so upset that's making my Mum all the more guilty. Cld tell, even though she insisted otherwise. I only wished i got to know abt it earlier and sent him something nice, with pictures of his fav Torres and his sports cars thrown in for good measure...
But oh wells, at least we can all looking forward to Sat! Though im kinda dreading it too cus i'll be having my first paper that day...for Psychometrics. the graduate module i had courageously signed up for.
Best of luck to myself.
Was up mugging late last night, and this kt tunstall number came on. It's one of those songs that i can identify with, and I like it all the more that it’s in 5/4 time, and it switches to 6/8 (if im not wrong) when it comes to the chorus. Rare good stuff. Gives u the feeling that u're drifting about in a little boat in the ocean, gently rocking to the rhythm of the waves…though I’d admit that there’s that wee bit of melancholy in there. But nevertheless, still very nice=)
Silent Sea
I was happy in my harbour
When you cut me loose
Floating on an ocean
And confused
Winds are whipping waves up
Like skyscapers
And the harder they hit me
The less I seem to bruise.
Oh when I
Find the controls
I'll go where I like
I'll know where I want to be
But maybe for now
I'll stay right here
On a silent sea
On a silent sea …
I had my last lesson with the kids today, where they performed whatever they've learnt in the past 8 weeks. Well, i cld barely hear them from where i was - leading the cheesy choreo right in front with 6 other teachers, including Cal (!!) and Suhui (!!!!!) - but i cld tell that they enjoyed themselves, and ultimately, that was what i had hoped for...although im sure the teachers were having more fun than the kids. I mean, Suh and Cal were doing the choreo with a gazillion times more conviction than they did their respective versions of Boogie..?? You get the drift. HAHAHA!
I cld have sworn i arrived at the school feeling the least bit emotional, but man. When it was time for them to go, that's when it finally hit home - the realization that i'd never be able to see them again, never get to hear them shout, 'MS JY!' and wave at me in all excitement from across the hall and the canteen, and i wldn't be able to hear those 40 lovely little voices anymore. And as anyone can tell by now, im feeling the sense of loss here.
Then came the clincher of the day. Before running off for class, Joseph, one of those whom i haul up every week to sing in front of the class because he basically does everything else but follow my instructions, came up to me and said,
Oh hell, how my nose stung, and how hard i fought to blink the tears away.
I mean, how often do u get boys coming up to tell you that in all sincerity?? *sobs* Man, come to think of it, i didn't even manage to take a picture with my infamously-mischievous gang!! *BAWLS*
But nonetheless, yes...
PS: I swear that girl's growing up to be a brilliant camera hogger like me, bad news or otherwise.
Words of wisdom which are very inspirational, very true...
Goes out to all the people i know, some of whom i think badly need to hear/get reminded of this. Myself included.
"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and I don´t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That´s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying: You ain´t what you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain´t you! You´re better than that!" (Rocky Balboa, 2006)
With only 21 days to exams, i am only happy to say that i've finally found my mojo.
Mugging mojo, that is. haha
To be honest, I haven't been doing well at all throughout the semester. Failed a midterm for the first time in four years (?!?!), but im determined to make it all work out right for me.