I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man that I adored
You don’t seem to know, or seem to care what your heart is for
I don’t know him anymore
There's nothin' where he used to lie
Our conversation has run dry
That's what's goin' on
Nothing’s fine
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith,
this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins and now I don't care, I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith,
this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
Torn...
There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's goin' on
Nothing's right
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late
I'm already torn
Torn...
Heard this old song at Sukiya yesterday, where my comm had a meeting to sort out the nitty gritty details for Welcome Tea. It's sung by Natalie Imbruglia, and i think it's one of the songs that truly sings out to you (since all you hear on the radio are trashy songs n meaningless rapping these days). I didnt understand what the song was all about when i heard it years before; but now that i do, it kinda tugs at my heartstrings abit, so i thought i'd post the lyrics here.
So i admitted it today. Despite keeping it away from me for a few months, it still came back. I had to acknowledge it. But really, i shld just give up, give up, give up!
Im such an idiot and such a loser, i think i shld just go bang my head against the wall to knock some sense into myself. But it's painful man.
Adopting the same mentality as Boss seems a better option. At least i wont hurt myself, and i can at the same time prevent myself from being so disappointed sometimes, and stupidly excited at other times.
Emotional rollercoasters suck. Pui.
Until today, i could never see how learning to handle my lousy desktop, which hangs/lags/blacks-out/restarts itself/comes apart more often than it can work, can do any good to me. Until today.
Coz today, i learnt abt computer hardware in computing class. (like duh, what else can u learn in a computing class? Gardening?) But anw, the point i intend to make is, while people were struggling to rmb how the different parts look like, i found myself smirking from the time class started till the time it ended. Why? because i see those CPU parts everytime my com crashes due to hardware problems!
Can never forget those days (before my bro got into his computer network course in SP and cld FINALLY do all the computer-fixing crap) when i had to lug the CPU, which i swear is damn damn damn blardie heavy, down to simlim just to have it checked n fixed. Not to mention having to FORCE myself to recognise the various parts i.e the motherboard, the fan, the RAM, and even the stupid belt-looking thing (grr!) just so i knew exactly (well, i did pretend sometimes) what the uncle was talking about so that he wldnt cheat me. Aww...painful memories man.
And that is why I think im really gonna enjoy the module loads:D
At long last, the fog has cleared and i finally understand. Understand the pain of those who has been or had been bugged by me before. I now know why certain people have been staying away, which hurts, if u're interested to know.
I see it all very clearly now. And bug i shall not. Anymore.
To those poor victims of mine, rest in peace.
Be rest assured you'll not hear from me again.
(left) here's my FASS gig grp: Andrew, Azi, Weilee, Calin, Lyndley and me. Glam huh? 
(right) and here's the panicky side of my members...after (horror of horrors!) the organisers told us we had to perform extra songs coz the programme's way ahead of time. We only prepared one backup song, lah. Thank gdness the caterers eventually reached early, so we were saved from the guillotine.
(left) Giggers in action at PS! Was really honoured to be able to perform for the RAG event, coz it's the first time in NUS history that we bring our beautiful floats to the public! And hey, i think we look pro in there. We sounded pro as well of coz! hahah... 
(right) Our beloved Charm, Jeremy, Derek, Suhui (the babe next to Azi n me), Mei Si, who came down to hear us sing and to respond to ourp lame stage banter. Who says support can only come in the form of cheering? Luv y'all, peeps! (PS: Dearest Davina came down too, but not in the pic)
(left) The winning KR entry, which garnered 7 of the awards up for grabs on RAG day. Could see why it was so fantastic...it had movable components that involved alot of mechanical knowledge to create. Im impressed! Oh, and it's supposedly made up of ONLY recycled materials. (So say we all..!)
(right) The beautiful, poised Eunice Olsen, who's our GOH for the event. (and whom Mr D cheekily says is the only reason the ministers stay awake during parliamentary sessions:p)
(left) i realise that all that's in e pic is a bishi-bashi machine n 2 black masses. haha... it's the showdown between the Chem Engin u-grad on the left, and the Bizad u-grad on the right after the performance n dinner. Who won? *surprise, surprise* The Bizad guy! We highly suspect that he's been living in arcades his whole life, actually.
(right) Me looking very cui after the samurai game, in which i managed to kill off the Cat king with my 'bai-bai'(praying) stance. Was supposed to be displaying the victory sign but my hands were simply too weak. I sport bruises on my hands now coz i'd been gripping the sword too hard!
So the new academic year has begun. It's been a rather busy week although its only the first; what with pretending to be a freshie n ask for directns, reluctantly drawing out my debit card to pay for all those expensive tbks, appealing (eh no, more like demanding) the science fac staff to lemme take Science of Music, gg for comm meetings, replying to emails from eager auditionees, settling all the room bookings, waking up at 7 in the morning for practices, and the rest of the time... trying to rmb what else i havent done.
Still managed to squeeze out a lil bit of time to meet up with my various groups of friends and teach my kid sister who's gonna take her Psle in a couple of months' time, though.
And just when i thought things cannot get any more chaotic, i found myself having to pinch out extra time to deal with tactless n negatively-sarcastic people who are supposed to possess both fantastic IQ n EQ.
And you wonder why University students are so busy.
I think i really need to do alot to up my reputation abit, coz lately i've been screwing things up more than i accomplish them. 3 screw-ups so far today: didnt book room for welcome tea, printed the wrong minutes for AGM, and worst of all, FORGOT my lecture times and gave Calin wrong info..giving her lotsa trouble planning a meeting. So pissed with myself.
My head seems to have become way too thick for its own good, and the size of grey matter in my head has shrunken to atomic proportions. So much so that i cant seem to think out of the box and explore other options than what im given.
Guess i really need to learn how to stay calm and stay in control. Both of myself and of the situation. Of course, the most important of all is to USE MY BRAIN WISELY.
I've really a long, long way to go man.
I think being able to blog my pictures online has made me lazy, coz i dont feel like writing too much these days. I was feeling a lil bit out-of-sorts yesterday...maybe it's the pain in my left eye, and all other crap that i had to endure throughout the day. I dont know for sure. everyone's here 'cept for jiahui, who was busy talking shop at the time of e shot. qiujie's humongous cake! and many credits to huishan for taking superb self-shots! I think it's really high time i adopt the rational mindset after all this time.
But anyways...
Was at Qiujie's 21st birthday party, and i was pretty glad to see him before he flies off to York. Jefferson finally remembers my name, and yes, i cld match Ziyang's name to his face this time:p It's really embarrassing when someone says hi to u and all u can do is point at the person, say 'aaaahhhhh' and cannot call out his name in return. Ouch. haha
Here are the pics:
Coleslaw with tomato sauce, chilli sauce, whipped potato sauce and a lil dash of coke. This is Derek's culinary creation a week ago at KFC's when Charm, him and i went for dinner tgr after our matric fair duty, and i thought i'd put it up before i forget all about it. (pssst...eh Boss, ur kid central kid feature will come up when i find the frame. so watch this space for the latest updates:p)
Charmaine says, "ahaha...it looks gross!" but "it tastes quite gd actually!" says Chef Foo.
I remain silent. Coz i was laughing too much and too hard to even afford to make a sound. And it was a dinner of many other laughs, what with hiking in YIH and stuff; i think my tummy slimmed down by an inch or 2 with all that tummy workout. That guy's hilarious when the occasion calls for it man. *kow tows*
The world will become a much better place with more people like that around. Hail Derek!
In a separate but related incident, the 3 of us went hiking yesterday in NUS as planned. And the venue? the hilly forest that links YIH to Science Fac. Our adventure lasted all of 10mins as we made our way up, and down again just in time for Reso pract. and it was interesting, coz we saw many plants and (oh!) even a squirrel! But sadly, we saw no wild boar. So no fresh char siew for us as Derek said there would:(
But nevertheless, we all enjoyed the hike, save for the couple of stares we received from the passers-by as we made our descent, and the 19 mosquito bites i took home as memorable souvenirs.
So who says school cant be an adventure?
Watched it with my clique just now after a dinner to celebrate hc's very belated birthday. I havent been seeing them for quite awhile so i was pretty glad for the outing, albeit the rather hasty decision. Gee, im still feeling a lil bad for such a belated celebration for the guy, and such a sloppy one at that, but i guess it cant be helped, considering the circumstances.
Sent Shao the photos, and she concluded that the guys havent changed abit. They still look the same, after all this time. And I do agree. But somehow, it doesnt feel the same anymore, and i know i shouldnt expect it to be, no matter how much i want it to. I feel really sad, how reality can be so disappointing at times.
Gone are the times when things were less complicated, we all had less to worry about, less to speculate about, less to suspect about. But its frustratingly inevitable in the process we call change. Maybe i should learn to change too. Not to be naive, and not to be greedy; just take the happy times as they come along. And i should really learn to put my eyes n ears to better use as well, coz sometimes i cant tell what really exists and what doesnt. Who i can trust and who i cant. Lines are getting blurer by the minute. I fear the day when things change so fast, i cant catch up. That would be the time when i'll think that being dead is better than being alive.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever
that you've been gone.
Please Come back home ~ Fort Minor
okay..so here are the guys from 03S25. Gals, take ur pick, and send me ur orders. (Note: Kelvin, 2nd from right, is only available in certain seasons. Uncontactable at all other times of the yr) 5 babes and myself! Saturday, even better. Managed to finish doing the posterboard, with credit due to Derek for helping me out:D Then it was off to the NDP preview with Meisi! Im absolutely thankful to her for inviting me along coz i enjoyed what i saw this time round. Had fun playing with the tattoos in the bag too. haha...i made the mistake of not using them in the past, so it was kinda like making up for lost time, lost childhood. Ooohhh...and i so loved the fireworks! REally, really beautiful. It's the only thing i look forward to every NDP; and especially so coz every year, i hear the sounds but i dont see the lights and colours where i live. And it's amusing, considering that i live in Potong. " Neber vote for gahbermen, no fireworks for u!" Meisi and i in front of the Stadium. With our face n body painting! 2 very happy girls here, no?
The red boom booms!
