Don't know if the flu's responsible for getting me blue, but im feeling kinda emo-ish right now. Like there are a hundred things that's bothering me now and there's nothing i can do to get rid of them because there can be nothing that i can do except let life go on and i try my best to keep in step with it.
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky
Gee...Happy Boxing Day, n not-so-happy Results Day.
The grades are sitting pretty in my inbox, but I just cant bring myself to see my grades, cuz i keep having this ill sense of foreboding.
Im afraid that it'll turn out to be lousy enough to convince me to drop out of sch after the next sem. Im afraid that'll lend evidence to prove my stupidity and despite the increasing efforts i seem to put in with each passing semester, i'll still not do well enough. Im afraid i'll have to give up all that i've been blessed to have that i've gotten from school. Im afraid to have to prematurely say goodbye to all the wonderful people, wonderful friends i've made in school. Coz i know i'll be too ashamed to see anyone, too ashamed to face the school where i failed to achieve.
I know i should take it easy as it comes, that everyone has a destiny to fulfill, the higher beings up there already have a plan for me and i should trust them in their grand scheme of things, but...
Im still afraid.
Im afraid of not being 'enough'.
This Xmas has got to be the most special yet... Cuz i just slept it away. hahah
To begin, i hadnt planned on doing anything this xmas eve. All i wanted was a quiet time with the family, since i hadnt been at home much the past week. So, after a nice dinner with the best friend (the other having a good time overseas, that lucky shite) at Borders bistro - which serves fab mushroom soup n strawberry milkshakes btw if u've moolah to spare, i was home before 12. which is an odd departure from the usual christmases i've had so far. haha
Opened my bottle of Bailey's (with a hint of caramel) with the intention of sharing my alcoholic joy, but alas, i was too generous with the pouring and i found myself with a whole glass of it before realising that i wasnt supposed to drink so much. And too bad my siblings didnt want to share my joy with me, so i had it all to myself.
Which explains why i slept my xmas day away=P Woke up only at 1.30, drifted arnd the house for a couple of hours, before going back to the private confines of my bed. Where i promptly dreamt of a handsome prince (ok fine, no. he was some faceless stranger) whisking me off to this secret place to have white chocolate mousse with poached pear. A damn good dream, i must say:)
And now im back in reality, with no faceless stranger and no white choc mousse, but a bulging tummy filled with home-cooked mee soto n my fav KFC chicken. Topped off with sparkling juice=D (heh, no more alcohol for me!) Quite far off from that dream, but im happy lah haha.
Merry Xmas to all of you friends once again!:)
Woots! With the last gig at Bugis Junction tonight, i end off my 'nicely busy' week on a cheery note! Im very happy i met up with friends i havent seen for a while, had the chance to gig and hang out with the reso ppl, finished reading a couple of new books and still have the time to work for a little more pocket money for the coming sem. T'was the most fulfilling hols so far=D It's left me feeling beat tho... and at this pt, a ditty comes to mind.
2 gigs little sweat
3 gigs plenty sweat
4 gigs lie flat
waylo waylo waylo waylo waylo waylo...
And its high time i did so. hahaa
I finished watching Witch Yoo Hee on youtube today. These korean dramas are really addictive i tell you. Used to wonder why xw can be on youtube 24/7, but now i understand. I guess the addictive factor lies in that the shows usually involve romance of some sort, and no matter what your idea of the perfect romance is, you'll usually find something that caters to ur wish and desire. But sadly, while i feed on these things to make up for my non-existent love life, i am well aware that those ideal situations arent likely to come true. *sighs* And I do realise i need to get a grip on reality. haha... just hope my indulgence wont eventually be my poison, setting me up to dream of things that i'll never get to have.
oh, and i caught Warlords already. It strongly reminds me of the Lust, Caution plot. Come to think of it, Warlords cld have been repackaged as part of the Lust, Caution movie franchise which showcases the same story told in different eras. It shall be re-titled, Lust, Caution!!! because of the slight twist in the storyline.
And on that note, we could then also have Lust. Caution? - for the deep thinkers, Lust?? Caution?? - for the confused, Lust+Caution - for the hopelessly rational and mechanical people, Lust>Caution - for those seeking alternative inspirations, and the list goes on. Each one of these will also have memorable one-liners repeated by good looking movie stars (preferably male, for impact) throughout the show. Such as.
There's something about having your own private time in the car at night. Picture this:
Totally relaxed, you recline in your seat with Richard Marx's 'Right Here Waiting' softly playing in the background. The weather's cooled to a temperature just right - not too warm, not too cold - so you don't even turn on your air conditioner. Instead you wind down the windows just a little, and a light gentle breeze slips in to have you hug your cushion a little tighter, and snuggle a little more comfortably into your seat. With nothing going through your mind, nothing in between u and the lovely, soothing music, you simply close your eyes, smile and drift off to a state of consciousness that lies right at the boundary between consciousness and dreams.
It's nice, isn't it?:)
Just finished the Alchemist:)
Can't say i understood everything that Coelho was getting at in there (that's precisely why the book is intriguing), but i understood enough to enjoy the book and appreciate his philosophy.
Would encourage bored whiny friends to read it for some spiritual enlightenment. And perhaps i should start picking up the Little Prince again!
Woots! Just came back from my annual Reso chalet-cum-camp (or Chlamp for short). Havent been able to update my blog coz of the flurry of (almost) back-to-back activities.
AND IM LOVING IT.
But we managed, and met up with laverne (hs and xw's friend, my new friend) and her friends, who were really a bunch of funky people with loads of alcohol. Next thing i knew, we were having an alcohol picnic on the pavement next to the carpark. And i learnt that true friends help each other empty cups of gruesome alcohol concoctions when the unlucky one has to do forfeits. *winks*
However, the event itself was quite a disappointment. Reasons for saying so:
True, these were internationally reputable djs known to perform magic on the music; but the question really was whether these djs knew what the local audience wanted. ( well afterall, this is Singapore, not the US) And judging from the constant, endless - and may i add, annoying - stream of people leaving the hiphop arena the whole time i was there, i doubt the crowd appreciated it. And andrew chow wasnt gonna be up till 5am... by which time i was already semi-conscious at xw's "-_-. But then again despite the disappointment, i loved my company comprising the 2 darlings of mine, so i guess it wasnt a wasted trip afterall=)
Chlamp at Aloha. as usual, this means fun with the usual bunch of people i hang out with, except that this bunch expands yr after yr, and i enjoy myself more than ever. Pity i missed out on the games that took place while i went out to see the skin doc on the 2nd day. And because of unforeseen circumstances - which saw me going back home to iron clothes and vacuum floors - i ended up going back in only at 6. but BBQ was sure worth it (save for cranky charcoal), messing arnd with the tongs, chicken wings and margarine and all.
Free and easy time allowed for games and chitchats, which were cool. But i do think that there's a time for everything, and disturbing issues cld be saved for another day, another time. Afterall, ppl did pay money, and ppl did put in ALOT of effort to make the chalet an enjoyable one; it just doesnt make sense for anyone to talk abt things that they know are sure to make others feel lousy abt themselves for the things they've done or havent done.
I'd say, kudos to the current comm who did such a good job snagging the fabulous terrace, employing frigging good cooks (plus peng kang uncles and aunties, their personal assistants and server boys) and planning good schedules and activities which allowed us to know one another a little better.
Wish alcohol were here:p
Nice clothes to wear, check.
Nice boobs, check.
Nice figure, check.
Mannequins do get it all, dont they?
Sometimes, it really gives one alot of hope and optimism to know that fairytale endings are possible and dreams can come true. Just try not to let rational thinking kick in.
With 3 papers down in the matter of 3 days, im starting to smile again.
Logic paper was horrendous though, i've never been so sure of failing my papers before. But im calm about it. Just thought maybe time would have been better spent if i watched Enchanted instead haha.
the fight against paper munsters continues...next week.
Till then, it's back to the books..