Was feeling down today.
But on my way to my flat, as i got out of the lift, i was surprised to find candles lit up along the corridor which i had to pass to get home. They were lit up for Deepavali, but for a few, brief moments there, they managed to brighten up even the darkest corners of my heart.
How apt is it then, that the festival celebrates the victory of good versus evil and the uplifting of spiritual darkness - the significance of which has never been more meaningful.
Today IS the day.
My vision was starting to blur after working on my Early Lang paper for the entire day, so i decided to take a break...on youtube=P
AND GUESS WHAT I FOUND.
(CharmY and Suhui if u're seeing this, please refrain from screaming.=P)
Just saw the ad for Kylie Minogue's concert...AND I WANT TO GO FOR IT SO BADLY. But i cant, because im too freakin' broke and it's during exams week so i've got to make do with watching her vids on youtube =(
How sad. haha
Anw i meant to put these up here for my own work-break entertainment purposes and for anyone else who can do with some groovy music! But there are some risque-y scenes for Red-Blooded Woman (the second vid), so if you don't think u'd take to that, you've been warned=P
Was getting a little sleepy with all the confusing excel files i've got to figure out so i did a little surfing, and found this. I don't believe in astrology (having majored in psych, im not supposed to anyway, haha), bad as i want to have someone/something tell me what life has in store for me, but i must say this one sounds quite promising;) Pisceans will do well in performing arts, especially the theatre. In science, Pisceans tend to work in the fields of either physics or medicine. They will also do well in ocean-based occupations or working with animals. Pisceans normally have talents that will get them money and fame. The streak of independence in you rarely allows you to be dependent on others. You will be ready to help the needy, having no consideration for a rainy day, even if you are not sure that it will be returned. You hate to chase money owed, hoping that it will be returned voluntarily. You are often distracted when bored, which tends to affect your work adversely. You need to be focused and inspired to give your best.
Taken from MSN Singapore Astrology:
Pisces Professional
Happiness lies in the sudden realisation that i can look forward to a FIVE-DAY WEEKEND to finish up my remaining term papers and catch up on both my readings and beauty sleep.
Feels like forever since the last time such good things happened to me=D
But nevertheless, im glad i am finally able to truly focus.
I went for an endoscopy early Friday morning and this was how it went:
Upon getting onto the bed or rather, trolley:
Absolutely calm...to the point of sleepiness. The nurse came around to briefly explain the procedures, very nice lady. Had this thinggy clipped onto my index, and the cuff on my right arm to monitor my BP, while i lay in wait for the doc. Spent about 10-15mins squinting at the machines around the room (coz my glasses were removed), and out of sheer boredom, i think i dozed off. [note: this was before the sedative was given]
15mins later, the doc finally came. Action begins. He explained the procedures to me once more, and the nurse sprayed this frigging bitter liquid at the back of my throat. Immediate numbness, couldn't talk. But still, very calm. But then they stuffed this purple thinggy into my mouth to keep it open, and even before i had the time to panick, i saw the doc coming at me with the black-coloured probe, WHICH WAS DEFINITELY NOT WIRE-THIN LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
Next thing i knew, the damned thing was in my throat. At that point, only two words came to my mind:
Doc: Okay...ur oesophagus looks fine, now u're going to feel a little bloating coz i need to spray some air into the stomach.
By this point, i think i was crying. i could feel tears streaming down my face in my extreme discomfort, but i wasn't sure if i was indeed crying coz i couldn't make a sound. Didn't feel like i did. Gagged a couple of times too, and i don't think i drooled that much before in my life.
Just when i was wishing for the doc to say he was done...
Doc: Okay, there's no problem with your stomach too. Now we're going to look at your small intestines ah...
Me (in my head): WHAT??!! YOU'RE NOT DONE YET?!!
More tears stream down my face. I could feel the probe moving around in my intestines and it couldn't have felt more awful.
After eternity...
Doc: Okay we're done! Your intestines are normal, there's no ulcer. i'll see you on Tuesday for a check-up, just to make sure u're fine. Now you take ur time to recover, and once u're ready you can go...
I could only nod in relief.
Nurse, helping me up: Okay, slowly, see if you can sit up... Take your time...
I proceed to sit at the edge of the bed, and was about to get off...
Nurse: huh? so fast ah? Do you feel giddy or nauseous?
I shook my head.
Truth is, i couldn't wait to get down and out of the room coz seeing the trolley only reminded me of the experience. For the rest of the day, i kept having the feeling the probe was still squirming around in my gut lah - PTSD. hahah. As i walked out of the room, i swore to love my stomach more, and while at it, i made a mental note to rule out sleeping pills in my list of 'Ways to Commit Suicide'. Coz if it felt that terrible just putting a scope into my GI tract, the sheer torture of surviving the suicide attempt only to suffer the pain of pumping the pills out of my stomach is simply unimaginable. *shudders at the thought*
Visited my granny today=)
Been awhile since i last did, so im glad i made time for it. Sometimes, i feel so really horrid not being able to accompany her as often as i shld, coz i know how lonely she must feel without anyone at home in the daytime. Everytime i visit her, she wld already have prepared the tapioca mix for me to make 番薯蛋 coz she knows just how much i love them. （basically it's fried tapioca balls. but saying it in English makes the food sound so questionable, it really doesn't do it justice) It's only a small gesture, yes, but it means so, so much to me. *tears well up* Miss her so much sometimes, i find myself wishing that she and aunt wld move back in with my family and we cld live tgr like the way we did back in Bishan - where i spent the eight happiest years of my life thus far.
Just in case anyone's reading this, and has grandparents who probably dote on you alot, pls make an effort to at least call and talk to them once in awhile. It wld probably seem like u're not doing anything much, but to them, it's a gesture to show that u care, and im sure that'll make them very happy:)
In a separate incident, was taken by surprise today. One of the girls in my music class came up to me and gave me a hug before i entered the room. Was totally stunned, coz i wasn't exactly expecting students to do that under sch settings. But i figured that little Andrea (tt's her name) probably comes from a very loving family, that's why:) Sure hope i'd be able to teach my own kids that well in future! At that moment...just for that moment...the thought of teaching briefly crossed my mind once again, although i have very explicitly expressed my objections to it before. hahah well, let's see how things go then.;)
Should be going to bed already. Definitely hope the probe won't hurt my vocal cords tmr=S *cross fingers* Darned. On hindsight i really shouldn't have talked abt losing voices yesterday man. Now it feels like i jinxed myself or something=x IT BETTER NOT HAPPEN.
Please let there not be karmic retribution for what i just did.
Sometimes, looking at the way things have turned out, i really can't help but wonder if the things that are happening to me are in fact what i've done to others before.
Maybe its a signal for me to do more good deeds=D
woohoo! i think i've found a theme song for myself!! hahahaha
I caught Painted Skin!
I can't really comment on whether people should watch it though, because by the time i went in i'd alr missed a good part of the show. Sis amazingly got lost on her way to PS after she got out of the station at Dhoby Ghaut (?!!!!!!!!!) and i had to go find her, hence.=/ Can only say that i like the show coz im a sucker for sappy love stories lah. This one happens to have it all - True love, selfish love, unrequited love, sacrificial love, puppy love, think-you-know-what- true-love-is-but-no-you-don't love... you want it, they have it. haha.
anw. the theme song's called 画心. i like the old, period-drama kind of cheena feel, so i thought i'd just put it here.
Anyway, who cares?
Before i go, would just like to:
4.30 in the morning. Time to crash!
Goodnight and slp tight tonight, jy=)
Im still in school now. Tried to finish up the effing essay before the deadline but i couldn't. Im such a failure right? I know that. Guess it means im dead now. Im almost there anyway. I can't think anymore. My eyes are so dry i keep having to blink away the blurry white spots that keep appearing coz my contact lenses are too dry. In fact, i can't help but fear for the day (which probably wldn't be too far away in the future) when my eyes wld decide to give up on me for the way i treat, or rather, mistreat them.
Sitting at one of the benches along the AS1 walkway, im feeling damned scared right now. Im feeling so alone, so stranded and so abandoned, that everytime somebody walked past i kept wishing he or she would just linger around a little longer just so that i could have a little company. The sound of crickets and random flying objects that hit the walkway ceiling don't help; they freak me out even more. I've always thought that peace, quiet and private space are what i need most in my life, but now that i have it...it's freaking me out so much that i feel like crying somehow. Maybe its the extreme fatigue talking. But what i can be sure in this tired, fearful and teary state that im in now, there's nothing more that i want other than just for a familiar person to sit next to me and give me the assurances i need to know that im gonna be alright.
i hate myself so much for landing myself in such a stupid predicament, never felt more foolish. okay maybe there is something else i did that i really never should have done, but still. Can't help but feel like slapping myself silly right now.
thank god for mum who's on her way to rescue me from my self-imposed misery. she sounded like an angel to me when i called to tell her i'd go home myself and she insisted otherwise. i'll try not to cry later when she comes.
gosh, it's amazing to find out just how emo i can get man.
I SWEAR NEVER TO GO WITHOUT SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE A TEST AGAIN.
If I manage to finish studying for my Evolution and Psychometrics midterms in 24 hours' time, I will reward myself with KT Tunstall's Eye to the Telescope album.
If I manage to finish studying for my Medications midterm AND submit my Evolution essay in time before Thursday 12am, I will get BOTH her albums.
If I don't...
i guess there's always my pillow to cry into lor.
Hope it doesn't get to that though=(((
*shakes thoughts away*
At long last...
the Forensic mid term is over.
the essay, also submitted.
And good news?
deadline for my Evolution essay extended by 48 hours.
yay.
time to crash in the lib... triple mugging/essaying action ahead.
Since the maid has gone home for a week to settle some family affair, Mum cooked today. May seem like the most trivial thing to talk about, but it matters to me coz it's been...... (heh, i can't even remember when) since she last cooked.
It was a simple dinner, but it was probably the best i've eaten lately. Im not gonna start complaining abt the food for the past week now that the aunties at the centre have taken over the cooking, because im very thankful that they were there to help Mum out, but it wasn't until the maid went back that i realised what a brilliant cook she has been=P
But of course, my Mummy is still the best!
Was searching for the Calling's Wherever You Will Go on youtube, and found this vid of KT Tunstall, doing a cover of Jackson 5's I Want You Back. She rocks my socks - the way she manages to wear a mini-dress, play around with her looper, strum her guitar (like damn, for Black Horse she stamps on her tambourine too) and still look damn cool doing all that. Im so gonna attend her concert the next time she comes!
KT Tunstall - I Want You Back (Jackson 5 cover)