No matter how bad things were, i have been able to see the good that has come out of it, most of which in terms of self-discovery. No matter how hurt i was, I was still able to find things to smile about in the everyday life i.e. distractions, even if only for a while.
So battered and bruised i may have been, sturdier and wiser is what i've become.
I am still learning...about myself, about the people around me, about how life works. It's been an enlightening journey thus far. I don't regret doing the things i've done, nor making the decisions i've made, because each and every experience has a part to play in what i am now - I don't think i've fared too badly at all! And i've got all of you sweet dearies for that... your Christmas cards and the messages within...u let me see the positive side of myself that i've been blind to while swimming in all that negativity. You have no idea how much your encouragement means to me=)
Thus, in return for all the blessings i've received, I would like to wish all of you dears reading this a great, great year ahead. That despite the obstacles that are to come, you will find the strength, the faith and the love you need to overcome them all. That in the process of anything that you do, you would learn valuable lessons and create wonderful memories that you can keep for the rest of your life.
And perhaps more importantly, that no matter how weak, you would still find the strength to muster a smile for the people around you...because no matter how seemingly insignificant your smile might be, it makes a difference to those who've had a bad day. Your smile will go a long way; and you, would've made the important difference.
Be happy, dears!
Love y'all deep deep=)
It's Christmas Eve, and im staying home afterall.
Not that im upset about doing so, but considering that i spent my past few Christmases painting the town red with my friends, i guess im mellowing down a little this year. Which is perhaps a good thing, because that would mean that im edging closer to the way i've fantasized my perfect Christmases to be - just a quiet, peaceful affair with the loved one(s).
And, among all the other material things on my wishlist - i need new headphones, new mouse, new shoes etc etc - perhaps all i really want is just a heartwarming Christmas to round up my year with. But since it doesnt look set to happen this year, i wish for my wish to come true in the next! Not too much to ask for, i hope=P
In the meantime then,
After singing for the last gig at the Cathay this afternoon, i cldn't help but heave a sigh of relief. It's been a rush in the past five days just to prepare for the performances, and it really tired me out...although as usual, i had lots of fun despite the exhausting practs, for it's never just about the performance; it's the company u love and the obstacles u overcome in the process that makes the outcome/performance all so memorable. Of course, there's also the adrenaline rush right before each performance that really kicks ass, which explains why i go back every year=)
And with this year's carolling, things have come full circle...in more ways than one.
I can still remember my first-ever gig with Reso, with Weijin as my grp i/c, Z, Yani and Jeremy my group mates. The feeling of trepidation when i went onstage, knowing that, unlike the choral singing i've done for the past six yrs, i was about to fly solo... The anxiety of knowing I wasn't ready for performance... and the internal panic when i knew i was making mistakes and the whole world just heard me loud and clear on the mic. And yes, that was also the beginning of my infamous choking incidents. Thereafter, i have seldom failed to choke on my solo lines during major gigs, haha. It's psychological, i know. Anyways, the first gig was horrible to say the least. Even i was aware that we screwed up our set big time, and i was feeling so bad about myself after the show. But despite that, Weijin sent us all a very encouraging msg to praise us on our efforts, which made me feel so much better about my first gig, about myself.
Will also never forget my most memorable gig - the MINDS one - with Suhui and seniors Derek, Ginny and Chong. I think that would be the best one i've ever had because they're about the funniest group of people to sing with, not to mention the joy we brought to the kids...and of course, the free dinner that followed=D
And with this year's carolling, i hope i had been able to do the same for the rfys who were singing with me - that they too, would smile whenever they think back on their first gigs with Reso=)
Which brings me to the coincidence of having sung with my three beloved rfys at the exact same place a year ago. Just in case i (or even Andrew) had forgotten to say this back then, you guys did a brilliant job for your first attempts, way much better than i, or even the rest of ur seniors had been in theirs. Even if i had anything to complain about, it'd be how the girl in red, and the the fella in green down the other end of the line simply refused to smile despite my most valiant efforts in prompting them to mid-perf, hence i ended up singing happy xmas carols with two very stern-looking people in my group. Super adorable lah, u guys. Wish i had more chances to sing with all three of you man. hee...
So if i have to hope for something, then i'd hope for these fond memories to stay with me for as long as i live, because i treasure each and everyone of them...and i sure hope i've helped make your carolling experiences happy ones to remember!=)
If you were one of those poor souls i woke up this morning to borrow ur laptop, i am really so, so sorry. Forgetful me happily went off to work without bringing my laptop, which was necessary for me to do data-mining at work. I was already too far away from home and hence, too late to turn back home to retrieve my own. Thank goodness i was blessed with kind friends who did not scream at me for waking them up at an awfully-early 8.40 in the morning. I told one of my coursemates abt it and her immediate response was, "Whoa, it's really unlucky to be your friend leh." And sad to say, i think i agree.
Sometimes i feel really horrid when i think of how my many imperfections - with my forgetfulness being one of the worst, apart from my inpunctuality - inconvenience the ppl around me. They say that a friend in need is a friend indeed. And indeed many of mine don't seem to mind, some even to reassure that it's fine, but still. Knowing that they have to go the extra mile for me because i do silly stuff like that doesnt make me feel good at all, especially considering the fact that i haven't done much for them , which is why i tend to feel so useless at times. And it makes it all the worse that i am very comfortable being alone and cooping myself up at home, so i don't really jio ppl out alot.
It's amazing how i manage to still have such good friends to depend on man. And before i forget again:
THANK YOU!
I believe that whatever bad things life throws at you, it is bound to give you something good in return. And today, was a perfect case in point.
Went for my written exercise this afternoon, where i spent four whole hours doing five different personality and cognitive tests.
And how did i fare? Heh, as i was doing the personality tests, i felt as though i was giving precisely the responses which would NOT get me anywhere near an interview offer. But then, not that im harbouring any hopes anymore, anyway. Didnt attempt a good part of the latter component, simply because i needed more time than given to think and i was uncomfortable with tikam-ing my way through just for the sake of completing the paper. I mean, even if i got those questions correct by stroke of luck, it wldn't have reflected my true abilities right? So what if i do successfully secure an interview as a result? I'd probably have hell of a time trying to get through every single day of my working life...which is quite stupid, if u think about it.
Anws, i was so brain dead by the end of the day that i cldnt fill up my registratiy on form properly. In fact, i took so long to finish my form, that the officers had to wait for me to finish up before they cld go (yes, i was the last to leave, dang it). How very embarrassing, but anyone who knows me well enough wld probably expect yours truly to do things like that anyway. haha!
And to reward me for the mental trauma i went through, fate had it that i'd be going for a Japanese buffet dinner at Sakura right after the paper=D To think i nearly skipped it because i was oh-so-brain-dead! Awesome stuff, i hvn't eaten so much in months. They have heavenly sashimi, i swear. Kept going back to reload the salmon. In 7th Heaven, i am!
Oh, and just to side-track a little bit, we happened to talk about Scientology and Tom Cruise over dinner. Very *ehem* interesting stuff. U've got to wiki it for yourself to know what i mean. In the meantime, im definitely holding on tight to my Guanyin Ma!
I love today. Because today is probably the only day in the month i am not obliged to go anywhere or do anything that i don't want to; and even if i have to get certain things done today, i can do those OTOT and still have time to do what i like to do.
Lately i've been thinking about myself. What kind of a person i was before i entered university, what i've turned into eversince and what i'll become once i step out of university. And sadly, i don't quite like the person that stares back at me anymore.
Sure, to have come this far is an achievement in itself, but life is like fair trade. You wanna win some, u've got to lose some. I think that's how life keeps itself in balance. And i can't help but think that i've lost things which were important to me along the way in order to get what i wanted. Because honestly speaking, im not happy. Im not as happy as i thought i would be.
I feel lost. I am lost.
Is this the price to pay in order to grow up and gain life experience? Cus if i had the choice, i would give back what i've gained to get back what i've lost because what i now know is turning me into a person i don't recognise, which is not good at all.
Am i on the wrong path? Should i turn back and choose the other direction instead? What do i do now? Stay where i am till somebody finds me and points me to the right way?
Sheesh. Somebody give me that damned map already.
This song never fails to give me goosebumps everytime i hear it. The first time i heard my nj seniors sing it, it took my breath away (go NJ choir!). But none of the covers comes close to the King's Singers' version, in my opinion. That one can make me bawl on a very bad day. Means smthg to me i guess.
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
AM FINALLY DONE WITH EXAMSS.
Am grateful to Dr Elliot for showing us mercy on the Evolutionary psych paper. I thought i was totally done for for this module, but he gave me that glimmer of hope that i badly needed, so go Dr Elliot! (even though u were mean to give me a really bad grade for my Evo term paper)
Exam today was fine, so for the first time i had the mood to people-watch just to see how different people reacted after the end of a paper. AND. I happened to see a cute caucasian dude in the exam hall, just a couple seats away from me. Not very interesting, unless you consider the fact that he was munching on bananas (omg you mean ppl actually bring in bananas to eat during exams?!) while the papers were being collected and the next i saw, he was people-watching too...with a leg up on his chair. heehee. I really didn't know tak-glam angmos existed too.
Had a catch-up session with an old friend at Soup Spoon after the paper. Nice, warm creamy soup is THE food to have when the weather is cold and u're hungry man. And i bought my favourite - DONUTS! - to celebrate with the siblings. Very simple way to unwind, and that's how i like it. But like my friend had noted, sitting down and chatting for hours over meals was smthg we once found very boring and unfathomable. So is this a sign to show that im ageing? hmm...quite probably yes, sadly.
And then i went home to catch the Nonya drama serial. Today's episode was absolutely tragic, so
i found myself crying quite badly over a channel 8 serial (???!!). Feeling emo, i guess.
Thought i'd read the TNP to neutralize my mood during the commercial break...
WRONG MOVE.
On the first page i flipped to was an open letter that the husband of the deceased lawyer wrote for her -_-" And as anyone would've guessed, it made me cry even more. So all in all i found myself crying more than anything else on my last day of exams? Perfect example of the ironies that life brings sometimes.
Time to get my cheery self back for the Xmas season!